Heading to HAITI...again

“The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the afflicted.” Isaiah 61: 1

November 19, 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you know, I went to Haiti for 7 weeks through Child Hope International to teach at a school for orphans. After returning from Haiti, I started working as the state-side administrator for the organization. I am so thankful that I get to continue to be a part of this ministry to help the people of Haiti, whom I’ve grown to love and care for so much.

I am returning to Haiti for a week from December 2-11^th. This time I will not be working as a teacher, since the school has transitioned from English to French instruction this past fall. During this week long trip I will be creating an informational packet about the different ministries of Child Hope; orphanage, school, medical clinic, new transition program, earthquake relief, and community outreach program. Since so many exciting new changes have happened since I was there in the summer, I need to revisit these ministries so I can effectively and accurately communicate what Child Hope is doing to help the people of Haiti in order to raise awareness and support.

I am writing you to ask that you partner alongside me in prayer. Haiti can be very dangerous, and because I am arriving there shortly after their presidential elections, chances of rioting will increase. Please pray for my health. Many foreigners have gotten Dengue Fever while providing relief after the earthquake and now there is a Cholera outbreak, which has killed more than 500 and infected thousands. Lastly, and most importantly, please pray that God would strengthen and guide me in everything I do. That I will be Spirit led and a blessing to the missionaries, the staff, the orphanage kids, and the neighborhood children.

Also, if you’d like to financially support me on this trip, I’d greatly appreciate it. My trip will cost $700. You can address your tax-deductable check to Child Hope International and write my name on the memo line. Email me and I'll send you the address to send your check to

Thank you for your love, encouragement, and support. It means the world to me. You can follow my adventures on my blog at www.jessinhaiti.blogspot.com.

God Bless,

Jessica Selga

Life After Haiti

As I was anticipating going to Haiti, I knew I'd change, but I never could have predicted how. I've been home exactly one month today and am still trying to process all that I've seen, heard, and learned. Coming back from a country where there is starvation, lack of governmental infastructure, severe poverty, thousands of orphans, neglect and abuse, 80% unemployment, with 50% of the population illiterate because they do not enjoy free education as we do here...ugh...it breaks my heart. I'm left feeling a little out of sorts back in the states. Someone told me, "You don't seem like yourself." A little thing that God has shown and grown in me is the desire to have a gentle and quiet spirit. I feel like I'm less of a spaz and I'm learning to be quiet and not miss out on when God is speaking to me and leading me. I don't know how to articulate how much my thought process has changed after spending 7 weeks in Haiti, but I don't think I'll ever be the "old Jessica" again, and praise God for that! That being said, here's a peek into how my Jesus has changed me.

The faces of those 10 boys who hung out in front of our guest house remain in my mind. I don't eat much less than I did before, but I am soooo much more aware of not wasting food and clean, filtered watered. My family goes out to eat at a nice restaurant every birthday, this month being when I celebrate mine. I keep thinking about these Haitian kids and asked my parents if they'd be willing to buy 90 pairs of flip flops for the kids at our feeding program who live in tent cities instead of eating out for my birthday this year (I saw they were on said for $1-$1.75 at Old Navy). My parents gladly agreed and 90 pairs have been delivered and should have been distributed yesterday. These poor kiddos often walk around barefoot, in broken or ill-fitted shoes, or in the shoes of their sibling who was of the opposite gender. The roads in Haiti are hot, rocky, and may have broken shards of glass too so foot protection is sooo needed. I shared this, not to get bring glory to myself, but to encourage you to think about how you can bless others with your blessings. To GOD be all the glory!!

I look in my closet and am humbled by how much I have. "I have nothing to wear," has been taken out of my list of common phrases. I have a car and am able to drive on paved roads...hellllloooo...who knew that was such a luxury...but it sooo is! My appreciation of time has been amplified. I'm becoming more dissatisfied with time wasted on TV, gossip, shopping online, outward beauty, self-consciousness and competitiveness, and even being so sick with sin in my life and the life of others. My patience for the unimportant and trivial has become so much shorter. Money, although necessary to live, is no longer at the forefront of my mind...giving me anxiety and fear. No...I'm learning that life is not the accumulation of things and having a good reputation. I'm learning that the American dream of having a stable job, a nice, comfortable house, finding a husband and having 2 and a half kids, is such an overrated picture of what life should be like for me at 27 years old. Although these are great things to have, truth is, some of these things that I thought would make me feel so secure, stable, and successful could also be the very things that keep me from living freely, living by faith, trusting God completely, and following Him wherever He calls me. God is the only security I have, who will never fail me. The safest place for me to be is in the center of God's will for my life (Thanks Pastor John from Port-au-Prince Fellowship. That truth is ingrained in my mind forever)

My heart is to know God more and more, wanting to know the fullness of who He is, experiencing a joyful life... running recklessly after my Jesus, and yes, even the joy of sharing in His sufferings. Cuz to know Christ more and see Him magnified in the lives of others, I'll say it again, is theeeee most beautiful thing I could ever experience. MORE!!!! I am spiritually hungry for more!!!

Growing: Week 1 to Week 7

Week 1 in Haiti...I was a total germaphobe...I am ALWAYS sick! So, at the feeding program, I’d play and love on these 120 kiddos who were often covered in scabies, open cuts, infections, or would have horrible coughs and would conveniently cough in my face with a bit of spit to go with it. I'd sneak away every 10 minutes or so just to apply hand sanitizer, pray God would protect my health, then continue ministering. By week 7 of Haiti, I had no inhibitions with the kids. They were hugging me, hanging on me, sleeping in my arms, kissing my cheeks, holding my hands with their scabi covered hands. It's so silly, but I no longer saw them as walking viruses out to get me, but saw them as people. Just like Jesus saw the lepers...people were afraid to touch them or come near them, but He wasn't. I was so convicted of my previous attitude toward them, and God totally replaced my paranoid spirit with peace and love for these kiddos who so desperately need Him. And my Jesus honored my obedience to love by blessing me with perfect health throughout my time in Haiti!

Week 1 in Haiti…having the street kids beg for food and water from me every single day every single time I saw them. As a rule of Child Hope, we are not allowed to give anything to these kids when they ask because #1, we could never have enough for each child when a crowd draws and #2, we cannot sustain feeding them after we leave, so it's unfair to put that burden on the remaining missionaries. This really grieved me, and some of the kids would get really angry when I'd refuse to give them food or water. Week 7: Realizing that although it would make me feel better that I have given to these kids when they are hungry, I am not the ultimate answer to their need. I have a heart to give and feed the hungry (duh) but I had to come to realize that I cannot feed all of Haiti. My mission was not to fill them physically for a moment, but to pray for them and show them how to get fed spiritually. Drink LIVING WATER that they may never thirst again! These sweet kiddos who would once get mad at me, would still ask my for food and water, but when a hug and kiss on the cheek and letting them know that Jezi (Jesus) and I loved them was all I gave for weeks...eventually they were content. My focus on the poor has changed from simply giving a handout to thinking about how to build meaningful relationships with them.

Week 1 in Haiti…feeling completely overwhelmed and unqualified to teach and persevere through the amount of misbehavior and disrespect I had to endure daily at school. Nothing that would’ve worked in the States was working here. I was discouraged and losing sight of my purpose. Week 7, realizing that I am probably still ill equipped and God truly had to do the work through me. I can’t expect to see fruit develop in the lives I’m sowing into over the span of a few weeks. It was a pride issue. I wanted to see results and transformation to feel significant and purposeful. Ouch, sorry God...I wanted to take the glory. I was reminded of the life of Jeremiah. He was called to be a prophet and for 40 years he pleaded and cried with a rebellious people that didn’t repent during his lifetime. Yet he persevered and was faithful. Wow, I just gotta trust that what I sowed will be watered and hopefully harvested by others, and God will certainly provide the growth.

Jezi Renmen Ou

It's no secret that I'm drawn to the roughest, hardest kids. I have such a heart for them to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior and see them transformed by our Maker. These group of boys, who mostly live in neighboring tent cities, would always hang out in the street in front of our guest house or our boys' home. They would usually be begging for food or water or some would just want to walk with me, hand in hand, and give me kisses on the cheek as I walked from house to house (I think it kind of became a competition between the boys...who could kiss the most missionaries as they walked by. Pretty awkward, but pretty funny to see as a spectator when visiting missionary teams would come in) This picture was taken right before I left for the airport. I love these little trouble makers.

These boys all attend our feeding program three days a week where they are not only fed, but also get to worship the Lord and hear the Gospel preached. In Haiti, churches don't let kids in unless they're clean, dressed up nicely, and have a parent with them. That excludes every one of these kids from being able to attend church. So the feeding program is a way to not only meet their physical needs, but their spiritual needs as well.

I've been hoping and praying that these little boys would get saved and really trust in Jesus before I left. There's such a language barrier so it's hard for me to really communicate to them. However, I feel like I've communicated Christ's love in little ways, like by giving them hugs and attention even when the guards to our house or other staff members would yell at them to leave me alone because they thought they were pestering me or begging me for something. It reminds me of the story of Jesus and the children in Matthew 19: 13-15. "Then the little children were brought to Him, that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.' And he laid His hands on them, and departed from there." Amen!

I know wholeheartedly that seeds have been planted in these kids and they are beginning to know Jesus more and more. I've seen them following missionaries to tents to lay hands and pray for people. I've seen one of them, Dupren, who attends an English school in our neighborhood, help translate for missionaries as they are sharing the Gospel to people living in tent cities. I told my little thug, Markezy, who has really just stolen my heart, "Mwen renmen ou."--I love you. He responded, "Anpil? Anpil!"--A lot? A lot! I just said, "Wi, dezod, anpil anpil."--Yes, trouble maker, a lot a lot. He just smiled and gave me the biggest hug. It's nice to see him softened up, because he is usually so angry and mean. I don't know what has happened in the past to make him so hardened, but my mission was to let him know he is loved, by me and by God. I'm thinking that was successfully communicated, by the grace of God and my limited Creole. ;)

And lastly, something that warmed my heart and really encouraged me....Markenzy (who, by the way is the child in the very forefront of the picture in the blue basketball jersey) was hanging out on the street with his gang of friends and Scotti, a missionary that works at the feeding program. Scotti decided to exercise with those kids, running up and down the street, just to spend time with them and attempt at calming them down. After they were done, he said that Markenzy told to him, "Thank you. Scotti, Jezi renmen ou!"--Jesus loves you. Ahhh, just to hear him say the name of Jesus is so sweet. I have trust in the Lord that He will continue to complete the good work He has already started in Markenzy and some of the other boys I connected with--Jean Jude, Yvell, Ashly, and Dupren. I don't feel the guilt of not being there to minister to those boys, because I know my Heavenly Father is going to use the faithful servants He has there to continue to disciple these kids. Man, there's nothing better than serving Jesus and seeing Him magnified in the lives of others.

My Yellow Shirt Babies

So there are a group of 30 children from another orphanage who regularly attend our feeding program. They lost their home in the earthquake and have been living in a small tent together ever since. They are the cutest little things ever and I've totally fallen in love with them. I've been able to cruise by the Ben's every once in a while on days when they are just there to get fed without the rest of the feeding program kids and just play and hang out. They've also become very fond of my camera...whether getting their picture or video taken...or taking pictures with my camera. I got to print out a few pictures of them and give it to them before I left. They were so stoked!

On Wednesday I decided to go with them as they got a ride back to their house. I had heard their living conditions were pretty bad, but I had no idea. Here are a few pictures of where the 30 of them live.

They live under that blue tarp.This is the entrance into their little home.
30 of their little bodies cram in here at night to sleep. :( Makes me so thankful to God that all the buildings to our orphanage are in tact. This could have been our kids.

However, praise God, the story doesn't end there. Our orphanage has been trying to get help for these kids, and another orphanage organization called, Hands and Feet, have decided to take over and help them out. They found a house to rent and are trying to get everything figured out in order to get the kids into a home as soon as possible!! Even sleeping on the floor in a completely empty house has to be much better than this (especially when it rains)! God is so good and I can't wait to get back and visit them in their new home one day.

What in the Flying Cockroaches?!

Mezanmi!!! So Brooke (our lovely nurse here) and I were in the guest house office when I saw a large bug crawling on the wall in front of me. "Is that a cockroach?" I asked, as I pointed it out her. She started to get up...to kill it, or maybe run away. Then suddenly, the little sucker started flying and she chose to do the latter. She bolted out the door as we both screamed in horror. The cockroach decided to leave the office too, so I slammed the door behind it. Then I laughed hysterically as I could hear Brooke, Jamie (our guest house manager), and Bob (a visiting missionary) yell and shriek as they pursued the flying insect. I could here SLAP! SLAP! And, "Oh my gosh!! Ahhhh!!!" I was pleased to find that when I opened the door, la cucaracha esta muerto.

Brooke and I collected ourselves and returned to our computers in the office when we heard a buzzing and tapping. We were wondering what it was, and then I saw from a small window above the office door that there was another large insect flying around in our hallway. We yelled for Jamie to help, but she had her Ipod blaring in her ears. Brooke facebook messaged her about our new uninvited guest, and she came to the rescue like a champ. We again heard her smacking at it from behind the door, the insect buzzing around to get away, and then silence. Brooke and I are such chickens, so we just screamed and laughed while Jamie, the assassin, did work on the bug.

Then we had enough sense to close the door to the back porch. This is the grossness that had been flying around our house.
And, earlier today, the cooks and I found a tarantula behind our forks. Mezanmi!! TIH!

His Joy Will Be My Strength

So let's keep it real here people. I know you've seen the pictures on facebook of me smiling, laughing, and having a great time with the kids. But that's half the story. And don't get me wrong, I really love and enjoy the kids most of the time. But, I want to be real because most people go on missions trips and return sharing about how God used them to minister to people and how people were so receptive to receiving the Gospel. That hasn't really been my experience.

These past 6 weeks have been some of the hardest times of my life. Never before have I had to frequently, purposefully choose to love people despite what has been done or said. The teachers and I struggled with students constantly being disrespectful, unresponsive to discipline, and thinking we're too mean and strict. When we've explained to them that God disciplines those whom He loves because in the end it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness and how we demonstrate God's love is by being respectful and kind to each other, it has typically gone through one ear and out the other (More so for the little kids than the big ones. The older kids have been more receptive to our conversations). It's frustrating trying to disciple kids who want nothing to do with you at times and have no desire to understand. It is also difficult when all the kids view love as is affection and gifts and they see discipline as just a way of you wanting to be mean to them--because of course, they it's never their fault right?!

Here are some of the hurtful things the kids have said to me or one of the other teachers:

"I don't like any of the American teachers. They're all mean. I'm going to pray for you all because you make us all write sentences."

"You have a big nose! You're ugly. I hate you!"

"Chinois! Chinois!" (means, "Chinese Chinese!") Even though I repeatedly said I wasn't Chinese, they would call me this and slant their eyes at me.

In Creole, "I hope that when we're running you trip on a rock, fall, and hit your head."

In Creole, "I'm going to whack her hard in the head and it's going to hurt."

"You're not my friend. You made me write sentences. Do not talk to me!"

These are just to name a few. Who knows what other mean things have been said in Creole. We've also gotten the silent treatment, kids walking away from us in the middle of conversation, and kids being obnoxious just to be obnoxious in class. One of my students would look at me and whisper things in Creole (kinda creepy and probably demonic) so I would hum worship songs or speak in tongues quietly. For a long while the teachers would hardly hang out at the kids' homes because they were so distant or mean to us after school because they would hold grudges.

I have pretty thick skin, I don't get mad or upset easily, but two weeks ago I bust out in tears after school. I felt so beat up by the words of the kids that day that I just couldn't take it anymore. I needed our Haitian Principal to sit in my class half the time because 2 of my 3 kids were just out of control, saying the meanest things to me. I was questioning..am I being too hard on them? Am I playing favorites? I honestly just wanted to go home, I didn't want to teach anymore. What was the point? If they didn't want me here, I don't have to be here. All I wanted to do was be with the kids from the feeding program. Those kids love me, just want me to hold them, they listen, and are so hungry for Jesus. They need Jesus. The kids at the orphanage already know Jesus, so wouldn't my time be better spent with the feeding program kids?

My fellow, amazing teachers prayed for me this hard day. Caitlin, thank you, I love you, and you're amazing! I was reminded that this is a spiritual battle. The real enemy I'm facing is the devil. The real obstacle I'm facing is discouragement. I was reminded by Francis Chan in his book, Crazy Love, about lukewarm Christianity. Do I really have Paul's heart when he said in Phil. 3: 10, " I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death?" I want to know Christ, but do I really want to share in his sufferings? I don't think anyone enjoys suffering (especially me), but if its for the furtherance of His Gospel...yes and amen! I want to know Christ more!

A few pages over, Francis said, "Lukewarm people tend to choose what is popular over what is right when they are in conflict." I found myself in this position. I was in conflict with my students and instead of choosing to continue being steadfast in discipline and challenging them in their school work, I was thinking of just doing fun activities for the rest of the summer and easing up on the discipline. I figured that would be the best and easiest solution. I realized I was choosing what was popular instead of what was right. I was more concerned about the kids liking me before I left than I was about helping mold them into the image of Christ. Not good.

However, I'm realizing that it's not my job to assert that the kids respect me...this is a heart issue and only God can change that. I can't change the fact that they don't respect me or respond to me because I'm an American woman No point in getting frustrated over that...I'll never be a Haitian man...although I learned that when I raise my voice at the kids like a Haitian man would to put them in their place, they're pretty receptive to that. I cannot heal those wounds from the past that have made them think and react the way they do to certain situations...only God can. The two I've had the hardest time with are true orphans, no mom or dad. How else should I expect them to behave without having had a mommy or daddy to properly raise them in a godly household?

I've known more intimately than any time before that when times get hard, Christ surely is my sufficiency. His approval is all I desire. My value is not determined by how much these kids like me before I leave or how much people back home think I'm a great person for doing this, but my value, in God's eyes, was high enough for God to send His only Son to die for me (What?! That the God who spoke the universe into existence loves and wants me is beyond my comprehension). There is nothing good about me, but my God still chooses to love me. My job is to love these kids unconditionally, and that's what I'm determined to do for the rest of my week here. Whether that means disciplining them, praying for them, spending quality time with them, or just giving them grace when they're not at their best...I'm determined, with God's joy as my strength and His Spirit within me to persevere, that I may see Christ magnified in Haiti. I know my work here is not in vain and I'm believing for God to continue to work in my life and the kids lives.