Life After Haiti

As I was anticipating going to Haiti, I knew I'd change, but I never could have predicted how. I've been home exactly one month today and am still trying to process all that I've seen, heard, and learned. Coming back from a country where there is starvation, lack of governmental infastructure, severe poverty, thousands of orphans, neglect and abuse, 80% unemployment, with 50% of the population illiterate because they do not enjoy free education as we do here...ugh...it breaks my heart. I'm left feeling a little out of sorts back in the states. Someone told me, "You don't seem like yourself." A little thing that God has shown and grown in me is the desire to have a gentle and quiet spirit. I feel like I'm less of a spaz and I'm learning to be quiet and not miss out on when God is speaking to me and leading me. I don't know how to articulate how much my thought process has changed after spending 7 weeks in Haiti, but I don't think I'll ever be the "old Jessica" again, and praise God for that! That being said, here's a peek into how my Jesus has changed me.

The faces of those 10 boys who hung out in front of our guest house remain in my mind. I don't eat much less than I did before, but I am soooo much more aware of not wasting food and clean, filtered watered. My family goes out to eat at a nice restaurant every birthday, this month being when I celebrate mine. I keep thinking about these Haitian kids and asked my parents if they'd be willing to buy 90 pairs of flip flops for the kids at our feeding program who live in tent cities instead of eating out for my birthday this year (I saw they were on said for $1-$1.75 at Old Navy). My parents gladly agreed and 90 pairs have been delivered and should have been distributed yesterday. These poor kiddos often walk around barefoot, in broken or ill-fitted shoes, or in the shoes of their sibling who was of the opposite gender. The roads in Haiti are hot, rocky, and may have broken shards of glass too so foot protection is sooo needed. I shared this, not to get bring glory to myself, but to encourage you to think about how you can bless others with your blessings. To GOD be all the glory!!

I look in my closet and am humbled by how much I have. "I have nothing to wear," has been taken out of my list of common phrases. I have a car and am able to drive on paved roads...hellllloooo...who knew that was such a luxury...but it sooo is! My appreciation of time has been amplified. I'm becoming more dissatisfied with time wasted on TV, gossip, shopping online, outward beauty, self-consciousness and competitiveness, and even being so sick with sin in my life and the life of others. My patience for the unimportant and trivial has become so much shorter. Money, although necessary to live, is no longer at the forefront of my mind...giving me anxiety and fear. No...I'm learning that life is not the accumulation of things and having a good reputation. I'm learning that the American dream of having a stable job, a nice, comfortable house, finding a husband and having 2 and a half kids, is such an overrated picture of what life should be like for me at 27 years old. Although these are great things to have, truth is, some of these things that I thought would make me feel so secure, stable, and successful could also be the very things that keep me from living freely, living by faith, trusting God completely, and following Him wherever He calls me. God is the only security I have, who will never fail me. The safest place for me to be is in the center of God's will for my life (Thanks Pastor John from Port-au-Prince Fellowship. That truth is ingrained in my mind forever)

My heart is to know God more and more, wanting to know the fullness of who He is, experiencing a joyful life... running recklessly after my Jesus, and yes, even the joy of sharing in His sufferings. Cuz to know Christ more and see Him magnified in the lives of others, I'll say it again, is theeeee most beautiful thing I could ever experience. MORE!!!! I am spiritually hungry for more!!!